Note: I posted this last year (2011), and recently got into a conversation with someone who was a part of this story and had a request to post again. Hopefully, I have some new Patch friends this year who might get a laugh or two out of this. If you have kids, you'll totally get it. This story is true. All of it. It was an actual Facebook conversation that took place within a 6 hour span of time. Some would say that maybe I should find more productive things to do with my time on the weekends aside from getting involved in FB conversations. Well, that may be true in most cases, but this was the funniest waste of time I've ever spent. The only things I changed were some of the names to protect those from whom I didn't ask permission to publish. Thanksgiving is over. Time to kick off the Christmas season with a Santa story! Here it is again:
I'm sure you'll all agree that Facebook has opened a whole new world, especially for those of us who came from the stone age. Some think that modern technology has no place in social settings, but I beg to disagree. For me, Facebook is a world where I get to experience my grandchildren’s funny stories in “real time”. My daughter Kelly was the kid that always "stepped in it (with her comments or actions)" but inevitably her misfortunes turned into funny family stories. She was so LITERAL about everything, and it would turn into a dilemma for me having to explain that what I SAID isn’t what she THOUGHT I said.
Anyway, now she's raising a literal child herself, my grandaughter Selah, and the shoe’s on the other foot, which complicates it even further. It’s not unusual to hear a funny story where they both step in it at the same time, but this time it gets serious.
I DIDN'T EXPECT TO READ SANTA'S OBITUARY.
My daughter Kelly is sharing an experience with her FB friends on what happened when she decided to tell her daughter Selah the "truth" about Santa Claus....
Here is the facebook thread in progress
Kelly: Ok. I have a funny Selah story to tell. Please don’t get "religious" on
me about this one. It’s kinda hard to ignore the whole Santa thing with mall Santa,kids at school, and classic movies playing on TV. I grew up believing in Santa Claus and I never felt my parents "lied" to me or any of that hoo-ha. I understood the real spiritual meaning of it and so does Selah. My husband and me have never really said whether Santa is real of not, but allowed her to have fun, presuming she’ll figure it out later on. I read an article about the origins of Santa Claus and decided to read it to her. He was a Christian man who used his wealth to give to the poor and even rescued his sisters out of sex slavery (no joke). The modern traditions developed over the years.
Here is our conversation:
Me(Kelly): Did you know that Santa was a real man a long time ago?
Selah: Yeah. I know that. He loved God and gave to the poor and helped his sisters.
Me: How do you know this?
Selah: VEGGIE TALES!
Me: Oh yeah. Right.
So, I decided to whip out the article and read her the whole thing. The problem started when I got to the part about his death on December 6, and..."that’s why we give to each other in honor of him in December…"
Selah: Wait. What? Read that again.
So, I did.
Selah: SANTA’S DEAD? What?!
Me: *I stuttered* uh...ummm….I mean…then decided to change the subject and let her be a child a little longer.
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Kelly: Gee thanks Amy Renee Reese for your article (sarcasm font on)
Becky Richardson Johannson: HAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious! Selah is too funny.
Debbie Reynolds Nash: I guess Bob and Larry (Veggie tales) left that part out.
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Tammy Osier: Poor literal little Selah. Kelly, I remember the year that we decided to make “Santa’s footprints’ going from the door to the tree using flour and a large pair of boots. Your brother and sister were in awe of the presents and the fact that Santa left his “magic snow” on our floor but not you! You examined the footprints suspiciously (not even looking at your gifts), turned to us and said, “HOW’D HE GET OUT?” I knew there was a detail we overlooked.
Kelly: Groan. That sounds like something Selah would say.
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Tammy Osier: I actually remember the day you and your sister cornered me to ask for the “truth” about Santa. I figured if you were old enough to ask, you were old enough to know. You asked about Santa. I nodded, “No”. You asked about the Easter Bunny. I nodded. On and on the conversation went until your sister asked about the Tooth Fairy. I nodded again. Then, from my left I heard you screaming, “WHAAAAAAAT???” You could give up your imaginary friends but reluctant to give up the source of your booty.
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Jennifer Johnson Kalabash: This is hysterical!!!
Kelly: I just let my husband read this and you know what he does? He shakes his head and says, "Two weeks before Christmas and Santa’s DEAD. Really? Really?”
I said, “Come on. Don’t you think this is funny?”
“Yeah”, he says, “It’s funny in a cartoon villain sort of way - all you need is a curly black mustache and an evil voice saying Muuwahahaha!”
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Kelly: I am not allowed to mention “Santa” in this house for 6 months. That way, anything I say will have a warranty on it. :-(
Tammy Osier: Sometimes "too much information" is not necessarily a good thing. I remember the story of the mom who, upon hearing a television broadcast about Sesame Street friends Bert and Ernie being gay, tried to recover the news for her daughter who was listening by telling her about media political correctness and how it's infiltrating even shows with pretend stories and puppets etc...Her daughter got quiet and then a look of horror crosses her face...she starts crying and says,"YOU MEAN THEY'RE JUST PUPPETS?"
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Rita Burnette Patterson: Loved reading this. I love how Kelly wanted to know how Santa got out!
Tammy Osier: Dumb on our part really. Should have known Kelly would inspect the crime scene.
(Apparently Kelly's sister, Morgan, is reading because she weighs in)
Morgan: OMG! Selah is NOT allowed to play with Sydney until after Christmas!
Kelly: Don’t worry, Morgan, she still believes. I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on. :/
Tammy Osier: For what it’s worth, I think this was funny.
Rita Burnette Peterson: Sounds like your husband still believes-lol
Sarah Smith Shoemaker: Take her to see Arthur’s Christmas…the Santa’s are given a title via legacy (of course, the movie doesn’t show anyone DYING…)
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Morgan: This is cracking me up!
Shanda Meyers Richardson: Hilarious!
Rick Westbrook: Another priceless moment. Lol
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*END OF THE ORIGINAL FACEBOOK CONVERSATION*
Back to the story—the conversation began to wane as Kelly had another one going on at the same time about Selah watching a Justin Bieber movie. Debbie (my best friend) makes one last reply on FB that pretty much puts the Santa question to rest. Here it is:
Kelly: Justin Bieber is singing a Christmas song on Disney and my daughter is drooling in front of the TV.
Rita Burnette Peterson: Oh my. She’s a little young for that, isn’t she?
Kelly: Don’t worry. We’ve already had that conversation and told her the *truth* about relationships and feelings for the opposite sex.
Debbie Reynolds Nash: She may be better off if you tell her that Justin Bieber is dead and Santa is alive and well!
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Tammy: Whew! That was close! Who says social media doesn't have its merits? Facebook saved Santa in 2011!