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Is Civility Really Dead?

It sure seems that way. Do you think there is a chance of America ever returning to a more civil society?

Whether on the nation's roadways, over social media or even just in person, it seems civility is a lost art. With a presidential campaign that is has been branded as one of the most uncivil of all time, it's not surprising that the vitriol flows down the ranks.

But it's not just the presidential campaign. People insult each other over twitter, Facebook and on chatboards, seemingly just for the sheer pleasure of it. Gone are the days where elders were respected and people were civil to strangers. Remember the old adage, a "stranger is just a friend you don't yet know." That sure went out of date with the onset of the age of Internet anonymity. Now a stranger is just someone who can be torn to shreds, whether it be for his or her opinion, intellect, education, or just simple command of the English language.

So what happened? Is civility really dead or is it just another fad we're going through and, like the bell bottoms, it's destined to come back into fashion again at some point in time?

sidonia schumann October 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm
We get what we give. Do your own part and good will return to you.
Martha Wallace October 23, 2012 at 01:33 pm
What is this garbage? Who wrote this? In this story it says "Now a stranger is just someone who can be torn to shreds". What do you mean about "NOW"? What does NOW have to do with anything? Have you ever been forced ride on the back of the bus? Did you ever have to drink from a different water fountain because you were black? Were you ever forced to take a job as a maid and looked down at because you were of a specific race? Were you forced to educate yourself long past grade school because you couldn't go to college yet you were determined to be competitive? Do you know what is like to be discriminated against right now because of your age and possibly sex and race? It sounds like to me that someone that wrote this had their feelings hurt and now sees the world as a different place.
This story is such a load of crap. Do not tell me that people were once civil and times have changed. It sounds like your world changed and you are seeing what many of us have seen our entire lives. Someone wrote this story from a personal perspective without considering the lack of civility that has always existed. This is offensive and should be taken down or either written by someone with a thicker skin. Is civility really dead? How am I to gauge civility?
Bob Reid October 23, 2012 at 04:38 pm
Point proven.
Mary Lou October 23, 2012 at 06:38 pm
I dont think civility is dead..I saw a great act of civility last night in Romney exercising great civility in a major debate. @Martha- No- I have never done any of those things, but have neither taken a part in such as forcing someone to either. Just like I wasn't a part of the native Americans and all that took place then either. I also wasn't a part of the white/English/Scottish slavery debacle either. We are far far ahead and beyond such acts that took place in History. We are all working on new history, with a lot more acceptance, peace, tolerance and fairness. We would not be making strides or progressing in any of those areas, if we were still fighting and holding onto the past.
George Wilson October 23, 2012 at 07:46 pm
All radio stations and TV stations should be required to offer balanced perspective and different points of view. For many, many years we operated under a Fairness Doctrine in this country, and I think the country was well-served. I think the public discussion was at a higher level and more intelligent in those days than it has become since. This is known as the Fairness in Media doctrine. Now all you get are rants from the left and the right that lead to a lack of civility in the public discussion of issues.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) October 23, 2012 at 09:20 pm
George, I absolutely agree with you there, in part. It just shouldn't be up to a government to impose a fairness doctrine - that would always be subject to which party is in power. I don't know the answer, except that we the people need to impose our own fairness doctrine on what we are offered as unbiased reporting. We need to be able to see through the propaganda and discern what is the truth. Just none of us seem very equipped to do that anymore.
Tammy Osier October 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Sharon, I remember the days when reporting was just that...reporting the news. No commentary or opinion. As a matter of fact, I think those journalists would have been considered unprofessional if they interjected their opinions. The medias job was not to cover up their favorite politician and expose the ones they did not support- they were expected to be unbiases and the medias job was to vet presidents and expose wrongdoing. Now they cover it up indescriminately. One opinion enters the fray, it's no longer good journalism.
Brian Crawford October 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm
Once the genie's out of the bottle it's hard to put it back. When you see a US Congressman shout "you lie" at the President during a State Of The Union Address and hear religious leaders openly question his faith on the morning news shows it's hard not to feel that we've crossed a line that can't be uncrossed.
I experience it every day here on the Patch. Because I offer a somewhat different viewpoint I get called every name in the book. I've even had my appearance questioned. I see the same thing happen to George. People throw words around like communist and socialist without stopping to think what they're accusing their neighbor of. The other day someone here even suggested taking up arms against their neighbor if Obama gets reelected. I blame talk radio and the cable news shows, folks like Limbaugh, Hannity and Beck for encouraging the boorish behavior that has become common place in our political discussion. Yes there are also those on the left who are guilty as well but nothing anywhere close to an equivalency.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) October 23, 2012 at 11:29 pm
Brian you are right, but it really does work both ways. I think everybody sees the insults directed at them much clearer than those directed the other way. There have been some really ugly things said about both presidential candidates, their wives and some of their supporters. I saw a whole bunch of tweets suggesting riots if Obama loses - in fact, it was actually calling for riots if he loses. I've also seen people referred to in very unflattering terms for their so-called "redneck" views, even on Patch. I think uncivil discourse is an equal opportunity status here on Patch as anywhere else. But always the optimist, I'm hoping that this time around, whichever way the election goes, we will at least have a year or two cooling off period before suiting up to face each other again. Maybe a pipe dream, I know, but hey, I can dream can't I?
Jane October 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm
"History" isn't really that long ago Mary Lou. I remember being a youngster during the Civl Rights movement and the black kids at my public high school getting badly hassled. It reminds me a lot of the way some of my fellow Arizonans are treating Hispanics today.
R October 24, 2012 at 12:28 am
Sorry about the break you desire, it probably won’t be much of one since the next round is the congressional races that focus on 2014 ...
The next chants will most likely be “ We must keep the house!” or “We must take the house!”. We can’t address anything that would jeopardize the election! It's become multi - year long "March Madness" meets WWF and the NFL.
Athens Mama October 24, 2012 at 03:07 am
I think the author is discussing the current state of political discussion, but I think your perspective is very valid.
Athens Mama October 24, 2012 at 03:09 am
Mary Lou, I think it sounds quite convenient for you to try to brush the past under the rug. Our country was built upon these choices, and what our country was built upon, so were our communities. If you weren't part of all those debacles, at least be part of the awareness that acknowledges that aftershocks from them most certainly exist....
Athens Mama October 24, 2012 at 03:11 am
Let's be real - that type of attitude is encouraged in many of the Christian churches here in the South. They're less Jesus centered - although you certainly hear the name a lot - and more Republican country clubs.
Athens Mama October 24, 2012 at 03:14 am
How can people not be personally affected? To many - it's a question of taking away a woman's (often low income) right to choose the future of her body and her life. For many others - it's a question of whether or not it's ok to kill an unborn child. There's no in-between. Similar with the deficit, similar with jobs, similar with foreign relations, similar with the environment. The stakes are so high, that it is difficult for people not to become empassioned regarding their beliefs and feel that all is lost if their side does not win.
Tammy Osier October 24, 2012 at 10:35 am
Athens mama, I certainly hope that is not an attitude in most churches. I go to a church where you can't really call it any particular type of church (ie: white church, black church etc..), when you look around, you really can't find a label, so we just don't. So, we just move to the basic foundational message and reach out to the community and help those in need. We go to jails, prisons, help people find jobs, pay their rent, teach them skills, even teach them to speak the language. We've even got a ministry to help people hwo are found living under bridges. We have people who adopt children who have been taken out of sex slavery. So, whether the election goes my way or not, is neither here nor there. Our part of the body of Christ will continues doing what we're doing.
John B October 24, 2012 at 11:29 am
Tammy...you can't possibly be a conservative if you're out there helping people in need. All liberals know that! ;)
Maureen Ruiz October 24, 2012 at 01:25 pm
I am always amazed as I drive down Broad Street in Winder how many people wait for others to pull out of spaces. In shopping centers the carts are returned to the areas for empty carts. I love this area, the civility is wonderful. Having white hair people are always holding doors for me. I spent most of my life in South Florida, so this to me is heaven. There are always going to be people who are just stump dump with their manners and attitude, but most people try to be decent.
Mary Lou October 24, 2012 at 02:18 pm
@Jane- in MY opinion, 44-57(civil rights movement) years ago is not 10-20 years..which in MY opinion would be "not that long ago". I am sorry for your friends that were hassled. I hardly can imagine in today's times, that occurring as it did almost 60 years ago.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- @athens mama- its not a convenience, its a reality in comparison of times. I swept nothing under the rug and am sorry you choose to misread my point and repackage it as such. I am an eternal optimist and will always choose to find the positive in the negative. I am aware thank you, of those "debacles" and any aftershocks that may still exist. I choose to look ahead at progress and solution rather than "live" in the past. A victim mentality will never ever move forward, regardless of how tragic the event or events. It in no way minimizes the horror of such event. It really wasn't "that long ago" BACK then in time comparison to the Holocaust. That occurred within just a short time to when the civil rights movement began. In today's times, the Holocaust was a long time ago and people have since moved hugely past that. It doesn't change the horrors of those peoples lives back then and some til today. My point wasn't to minimize anything but to look to the progression and change, as to so it can continue to move forward and create new history.
Susan October 24, 2012 at 02:41 pm
I'd like to change direction here and address Sharon's comment "Gone are the days when elders are respected." It used to be that kids respected adults simply because they were taught to respect adults. Now, in certain schools where I've subbed (notice that is in past tense) I've had kids tell me, "I don't have to respect you until you earn my respect." Who's teaching them this???
Ryan Smith (Editor) October 24, 2012 at 03:22 pm
See, I was always taught that respect was the default position, and only withdrawn once one was proven unworthy of it.
Susan October 24, 2012 at 04:25 pm
Like innocent until proven guilty, maybe?
Denzel Hill October 24, 2012 at 07:00 pm
You gauge civility by your own actions toward others.
Denzel Hill October 24, 2012 at 07:20 pm
Amen Maureen. Life may be hard, but you don't have to make it harder for a stranger. Sometimes a kind word or an unexpected kind act can make a difference in a person's life.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) October 24, 2012 at 08:01 pm
That's they way I was taught too Ryan.
Athens Mama October 24, 2012 at 08:47 pm
@Tammy - point taken. It is an evil to generalize, and I fell into that trap.
Elizabeth October 25, 2012 at 03:03 am
Many people have jumped on Sharon here, but this IS the "opinion" section of the DaculaPatch. Sharon was just sharing her opinion, and as they say, "Opinions are like bellybuttons - everybody has one".
George Wilson October 25, 2012 at 02:54 pm
@Sharon Swanepoel
A big problem on the Patch is the lack of enforcement of basic net etiquette rules.In particular,off -topic posting and hijacking a discussion thread.Perhaps the Patch should publish them.
George Wilson October 25, 2012 at 03:05 pm
@David
No not when you look at all the rules of net etiquette.
George Wilson October 25, 2012 at 03:18 pm
@Sharon Swanepol
The Fairness Doctrine worked just fine and didn't require any excessive government .It was repealed in the late eighties and then we started to see the rise of radical and extremist talk shows. These talk shows have contributed to the coarseness of public debate and the lack of civility. This rule was basically self governing by the radio and TV stations under the watchful eyes of The Federal Communications Commission. Let's not forget that the air waves belong to the public not to the companies that we let use (and now abuse) them.

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Tammy Osier June 18, 2013 at 01:08 am
Sadly, Mr. Newman, we have people who live in a utopic vision of the world and refuse to believeRead More that this can happen. Sounds a bit like 1984. Ironic too, is that in the bible, when the Lord was referring to people being blinded and going astray, he referred to them as sheep, and that phrase has been coined today to denote the same type of mentality. This could happen if our watchmen stop guarding the gate.
Karsten Torch June 18, 2013 at 12:39 pm
What's sad is that people will accuse you of needing a tinfoil hat because of this post. But weRead More are marching inexorably toward this end, the only thing we can really control is how quickly or slowly we get there.....
Rona Gibbs Watts June 17, 2013 at 02:52 pm
Have the area Vet offices been contacted or has she be checked for a microchip? People, PLEASERead More microchip your dogs.
Tom Laverick June 18, 2013 at 01:06 pm
That looks similar to a lost dog poster at the corner of 81 and Bold Springs Road.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) June 18, 2013 at 03:05 pm
Tom, I will see if I can find the connection.
tijensen June 15, 2013 at 12:34 pm
The better assignment would have been how could you have written a letter to try and convince themRead More not to commit suicide. To persuade them about all the wonderful things you love about them, how special they are and what the world would miss if they were not in it. A creative teacher could have used the same exercise to teach a life lesson that may have helped someone save a life down the road.
Tammy Osier June 15, 2013 at 12:40 pm
TJ, exactly. Like you said, a GOOD teacher would have found a way to make students think outside theRead More box yet still examine the mood of the story. But I do agree with ggy that it might have been more appropriate for a college aged student. High school (girls especially) have so much drama going on inside of them, and confusion about so many things, that it might be impossible for them to be objective in an assignment like that. Boo to the teacher.
flyinby June 15, 2013 at 08:34 pm
strikes me as more subversive attempts by perverted minds dedicated to influence all our childrenRead More with this sick mindset: http://larouchepac.com/node/11188 http://www.naturalnews.com/040744_euthanasia_children_mercy_killings.html http://www.lifenews.com/2013/06/06/sarah-palin-blasts-sebelius-for-denying-girls-lifesaving-lung-transplant/ http://cnsnews.com/blog/judie-brown/lives-unworthy-be-lived-and-polst http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/the-elite-are-attempting-to-convince-us-that-killing-off-our-sick-grandparents-is-cool-and-trendy suicides higher than car crashes past few yrs http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207089/56-million-suicide-prevention-programme-launched-study-reveals-Americans-lives-die-car-crashes.html http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/02/08/more-states-consider-legalizing-assisted-suicide-as-baby-boomers-age/
Octo Slash June 14, 2013 at 12:18 pm
My kids drink coffee every morning because they need something to accompany their cigarettes.
Tammy Osier June 14, 2013 at 01:12 pm
Tr - the perfect diet - the Mediterranean diet has a lot of fish in it. Olive oils etc... OurRead More American diet has a lot of animal fat in it and look at us as opposed to other nations! Fish oil is brain food. A multi is good, but we should ask our pediatricians about adding fish oil to our kids' diets. We should get our (good) fats through diet. Good fats help vitamins go where they are supposed to and do what they're supposed to do.
Deedee June 15, 2013 at 08:12 pm
My grandma always drunk coffee all day and I started around 30 and I am no good without at least oneRead More cup a day but she always stated that we couldn't have any as kids because it will stunt our growth. I have always felt that there is something to many of those old sayings and did not let my son touch it.
Tammy Osier June 17, 2013 at 01:53 pm
DR, seems like an oxymoron doesn't it? I'd like to hear from someone who is actually from there toRead More find out their spin on why they even enter a contestant in the first place. It's my understanding that a woman that shows that much skin in public will be flogged or worse? Maybe democracy is taking ahold in some places, who knows?
Good Grief Y'all June 17, 2013 at 03:24 pm
I was wrong. Guys are interested pageants. You would no doubt be happy if the contestants justRead More wore the face shawl with their bikinis.
Karsten Torch June 17, 2013 at 04:30 pm
Couple of thoughts - One, why hold it in a land where there is going to be this kind of protest?Read More Just move it and don't worry about it. Other, I find it interesting how the Muslims want us to be understanding and inclusive of their beliefs, but don't even think they'll allow anything they don't agree with. Just a tad bit hypocritical...
R June 14, 2013 at 02:06 am
You mean the FEES don't you? Cause they aint taxes don't you know...
Bonnie June 14, 2013 at 11:50 am
I call it a "rainbow!"
M.K. Osborne June 14, 2013 at 03:30 pm
Fees is when its lightning too .
Mr. B June 13, 2013 at 01:29 pm
They're not Americans. They don't deserve to step foot on American soil.
Good Grief Y'all June 13, 2013 at 01:34 pm
Meh, a difference without distinction.
Good Grief Y'all June 13, 2013 at 01:37 pm
Huh, you learn something once in a while on Patch blog threads. I didn't know you must be anRead More American citizen to be tried and convicted of crimes against America . . . ;p I think John and Sarah could handle them . . . you betcha! They would probably beg to be sent back to Gitmo. LOL
EMILY GOLDSTEIN June 7, 2013 at 10:35 am
We don't know yet..it was not me who found her. They had Gwinnett pick her up after staying withherRead More for a few hours..we will know after they process her there. I have contacted golden retriever rescues to let them know so they can see if they have lost ads ..or if need be rescue her
EMILY GOLDSTEIN June 8, 2013 at 02:24 am
She is so sad and missing her owner ANIMAL ID#32243 I am in PEN 114, FEMALE, GOLDEN RETRIEVER. TheRead More shelter thinks I am 3 YEARS OLD. I will be available for adoption starting 6/12/13. FOUND STRAY, LARGE, FRIENDLY Contact the shelter for more info 770-339-3200.
EMILY GOLDSTEIN June 10, 2013 at 03:11 am
Reunited!
Good Grief Y'all June 12, 2013 at 11:43 am
The top marginal tax rate in 1945 was 94%; today it is 35%. This info from one of the slides in theRead More article on various tax charts, including corporate. "A look at 2010 data reveals that the U.S. is one of the least taxed countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), according to a study released Monday by Citizens For Tax Justice. The CTJ added up federal, state and local tax revenue. The only countries in the OECD that collected a smaller percentage in taxes are Chile and Mexico, according to the data. The OECD is a group of 34 countries that work together to improve the global economy." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/08/us-lowest-taxes-most-industralized-countries_n_3039470.html?utm_hp_ref=business&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D295994
Good Grief Y'all June 12, 2013 at 12:30 pm
So, B, are you saying no corporations pay taxes? If that were true, why do they offshoreRead More manufacturing and money to avoid and evade? Some don't pay depending on their structure, many do. US corps don't pay as much as most in developed countries, and they sure won't go along with paying more or seeing their CEOs pay more on individual returns. According to the OECD as mentioned in the link, US corporations pay an e f f e c t i v e rate of 13%. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/08/us-lowest-taxes-most-industralized-countries_n_3039470.html?utm_hp_ref=business&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D295994
Maria Navarro June 13, 2013 at 04:36 pm
Most of the government organizations cannot be trusted, as they have been filled with mostly crooksRead More (not all, but a good majority who use their power to fill their pockets)therefore, I think the IRS should be abolished. We need to go to a FAIR TAX and this way EVERYONE would have to pay their fair share!
Karsten Torch June 6, 2013 at 02:02 pm
My wife has this lovely thing she does where she gasps for no apparent reason, or tells me to lookRead More out or something, always for something obvious. And I wind up looking for something else. Drives me nuts. Good thing, after 22 years, she does it much much less now.
Karsten Torch June 6, 2013 at 02:06 pm
One of my favorites: A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, herRead More husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!” The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?” The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
Robbi McCaig June 6, 2013 at 04:15 pm
Remember, when you critisize your wife's choices---you were one of them.