Janelle Hoffman, a Cape Cod, Mass., mother of five, presented her 13-year-old son with an iPhone for Christmas, along with a list of rules and regulations for its use. Not the Apple list; the mom's list.
Rule No. 1 is, "It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?" And No. 2 is, "I will always know the password."
The contract has 18 points of requirements for usage that range from proper phone etiquette to sage advice for the future, such as No. 12: "Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea."
KidsAndMedia.org suggests responsible parents be vigilant with their teens, but monitoring may be a bit overkill. "As parents, we are responsible for our children, and, thus, we have a right as well as a duty to guide them in the digital world. At the same time, children have a right to use digital media, and they have a need to learn about safe and responsible use thereof." They suggest a balance be found, and sometimes that just depends on the child and the age of the child.
Common sense parenting seems more reasonable than installing the monitoring software and while Hoffman's set of rules seems reasonable to many adults, teens, no doubt, see this as a gross intrusion of their privacy and a lack of trust that, many times, just isn't merited.
Do you have rules for cell phone use at your house? How closely do you monitor your teen's usage? Do you think Ms. Hoffman's rules are reasonable? At what point should teens be allowed the rights of privacy afforded by a cell phone?
Is KidsAndMedia.org handing out cell phones to children? If I was a parent, my child MIGHT have the privilege of using a cell phone, but certainly not the RIGHT, even if they got a phone from someone else. I WILL STILL BE THE PARENT. I applaud Janelle Hoffman for outlining rules ahead of time.
These rules should apply to everyone.
I found when raising my kids, that it wasn't about me or how good a parent I was, it was realizing that anyone can be tempted and my boundaries gave my kids an "out" when they were tempted. In fact, the good kids need it even more. Being overly strict without a good relationship with kids - will that cause rebellion? Most likely, but keeping the adult - child relationship intact - in that order - is the best prescription. Kids respect it (they won't tell you that until they are around 23 however...). :)
They have to learn that their privacy ends when they can't obey a rule. But there is a balance and you have to work together towards it, but always keep in mind who the adult is, and who the child is. I've seen many a family ruined when they allowed that line to get blurred. Some of my parenting columns are going to be on this very concept. Regarding my son's truck....I was not one of those parents that "parked" his truck and took his keys when he got grounded from it. I "drove" it. He didn't like the way I rode the brakes, so it gave him a little bit of incentive to get his act together, and get those keys back into his hands - lol.