Breakfast of Champions

My darling husband, who, if you remember correctly, is retired and therefore in Charge of Most Things Domestic, does most of our grocery shopping.  He cannot resist a buy one get one free sale.  It doesn't matter what it is, or if we want or need it.  If it is buy one get one free he will buy four.  If it is also new and/or improved, he wil buy eight.  It is also notable that this is a man old enough to be retired, who lives more or less entirely on Skittles and Smith Brothers Warm Apple Pie Cough Drops.  And coffee and beer.

Given that set of starting facts, it should surprise you not at all that he recently came home from his every other day foray into Publix with "Hershey's Cookies'n'Creme" cereal boxes.  This was a big hit with all three of my children, both the two who are actually children, and the retired guy with access to keys and a credit card who bought the box.  My first thought was, "ew", and I said as much out loud.  My daughter, who has not yet figured out that advertisers and marketers manipulate facts for their own purposes, defended the purchase by declaring that the box said that whole grain was the first ingredient.  This, of course, made me grab the box and see for myself.  The first five ingredients were, in order, as follows: whole grain corn, sugar, soybean oil, another kind of sugar (dextrose), and then another kind of sugar (corn syrup).  Further on down the list were two other kinds of oil and another kind of sugar.  The last few ingredients were a bunch of added vitamins and minerals.  The serving size is 3/4 cup which, if I'm not mistaken, is a large handful, which is a good bit less than is normally eaten at one sitting.

So then I went in the pantry and got out a box of our 'compromise' cereal, "Fruity Cheerios" and compared the ingredients.  The first five ingredients were: whole grain corn, sugar, whole grain oats, corn syrup (more sugar), and pear puree concentrate.  Still a lot of sugar, but no fat and an actual fruit part.  The last few ingredients were a similar list of vitamins and minerals. 

So I compared the nutritional information.  The Cheerios had double the fiber of the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, which gave it a whopping two whole grams of fiber.  The rest of it was virtually the same, except that the Cheerios had a lot more folic acid and half the fat, though the fat was not bad in the other: 3 grams.  Ah, those Cheerio marketing people (who, by the way, are the same folks at General Mills corporate headquarters that market the Cookies 'n' Creme cereal).  Fooling parents into thinking you are buying something healthier than Cookies 'n' Creme.  It makes you wonder if maybe the only reason why they manufactured the Cookies 'n' Creme in the first place was a) to make the Fruity Cheerios look better by comparison and b) for the stoned (male) college student looking for an easy snack that doesn't require refrigeration.

Thus frustrated, I pulled out a box of what is referred to as "grownup cereal" in our house, Great Grains.    The front of the box uses words like "less processed", "wholesome", "nutritious", and "fiber rich".  The first five ingredients were: Whole grain wheat, raisins, whole grain rolled oats, dates, and brown sugar.  Sounds great, right?  TWO kinds of fruit!  Brown sugar instead of ultra processed sugar!  This is health food, no?  Weeellll, hang on.  It has more fat and sodium than the cookies 'n' creme.  It does have five times the fiber, which matters a lot when you are over 40.  And four times the protein, which means you are less likely to crash from the sugar high 45 minutes later.  But it had less vitamin C and calcium and zinc, and was pretty much the same for everything else.  It also has twice the calories.

So what's my point?  As usual, I have none.  I don't wake up early enough to cook, so cereal is a quick and easy option for us, and is still probably better than a chocolate and marshmallow 'granola' bar.  I guess it means I shouldn't fool myself into feeling virtuous by eating the Cheerios.  I'll just have Cookies 'n' Creme and crash face first into my coffee by 9:30am.  In other words, a typical day.