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It's the People, Not the Labels That Really Matter

Reflections on a relationship that just shouldn't be (according to our culture).

This past Sunday I had a new and different experience. I went to a funeral, but that was not the part that was new and different.

Unfortunately, like many of you, I have been to numerous funerals in my life. However this one was different. Not because of my relationship with the deceased, because you see I had never had the honor of meeting this gentleman before his death from cancer.

No, it wasn't going to the funeral, or my connection to the deceased that was different. What was different was that when the funeral started I was the person standing behind the podium. This was the first time I had ever had the opportunity to have any role in a funeral, much less lead one. I thought it was a beautiful service, which I can say because it wasn't anything that I did to make it so. This man, Loyd Wood, had written everything he had wanted to be said at his funeral. My role was to read his words to his friends and family (which by the way was harder than you might think- it's not easy reading the personal words of a deceased man to his widow sitting in front of you).

What made it so special for me is because the family didn't just draw my name out of a hat, or pick me from a list. They called me and asked me to have a part in saying Goodbye to their loved one. I was shocked when I got the call. But more than that, I was honored. I used to work with Mr. Wood's daughter before she took another job and we had become pretty good friends. I would say that it's not terribly unusual, to be friends with someone you work with. What makes it unusual are the differences that separate us.

If you recall, I'm fairly conservative. In fact, I was introduced as an "ultra-Conservative, Bible-thumping, Baptist that makes a typical conservative look liberal" on Sunday after the service. And that's pretty spot on. I make no apologies for that, and I have no intentions on changing that anytime soon. So what provides the twist to this story is that my friend, who asked me to speak at her Daddy's funeral, is a homosexual.

Now that makes things significantly more interesting doesn't it?

To say that we have different views on things would be an understatement. After all, remember my reputation as an ultra-Conservative...

But we're friends.

It's a sort of odd relationship that we have. It's one that confounds some (many) of my friends (and probably hers too). It's confounding, puzzling, and even comical, but it works. You see, we are able to value each other without degrading each other. We both have strong views that won't be changing, but we can also see past that. No one has compromised any of their core beliefs to befriend the other. The only thing that has been comprised has been stereotypes.

The concept is possibly mind-boggling to you, even many of you, but I would say it is a clear Biblical concept. After all, look at Jesus. He hung out with all types of folks, including the "down and outs" of society. He even took quite a bit of heat from the religious elite for his relationships with others. But that didn't stop Him, it won't stop me, and it shouldn't stop you.

What if each one of us moved past the "label" that society has given us (or that we've taken upon ourselves), to befriend someone. Whether I (or you) are liberal, conservative, atheist, moderate, homosexual, Bible-thumper, Mormon, Gun-toter, pro-choice, pro-life, cat lover, vegan, Democrat, Republican, Flying Spaghetti Monster followers, we're all people.

Because we're all people, we're all valuable.

(Remember that word? It'll be a recurring theme in posts to come).

Sometimes we get all hung up on the label of a person, and forget that they're people. People that we should be loving, not shunning. No matter which side of an issue you are on we should be able to move past the labels at some point to befriend each other.

Because it's the people, not the labels, that really matter.

And people are valuable.

All of them.

Even when they are "different" than you.

Jason Brooks April 25, 2012 at 01:26 pm
Great post, Kris.
Grant April 25, 2012 at 01:44 pm
Welcome to Earth!
Where we dont care about what other people might do in their bedrooms. Enjoy your stay :)
Kris Parker April 25, 2012 at 02:00 pm
Jason- Thank You!
Grant- You frustrate me...
Grant April 25, 2012 at 02:37 pm
Yeah ...sorry about that Kris
It's just that "the rest of us" have been accepting people as they are for a long time . It's not "mind boggling" at all to most of us , but we're glad to have you join the party
Ryan Smith (Editor) April 25, 2012 at 03:03 pm
Grant:
I'm not so sure. I've known many social conservatives who would consider it "mind-boggling" to be close friends with a gay person. Conversely, I've had gay friends who would consider it "mind-boggling" to have a close friendship with a social conservative. I think Kris's message is one that is sadly lacking in too many Christian circles today, so I applaud him for reminding everyone that "love thy neighbor" wasn't a suggestion.
Kris Parker April 25, 2012 at 03:10 pm
Thanks Ryan. I think you're right that it is sadly lacking in many church circles.
Grant- I'd have to disagree with you though, and argue its actually the opposite. In fact, you yourself certaibly don't have the reputation of one who is very accepting towards those who share my worldview. I'd say that those who have a Gospel centered worldview are much more loving towards everyone, even those who are significantly "different" than they are.
Grant April 25, 2012 at 03:51 pm
Kris ,
Many of my very best friends have a Christian "Gospel centered worldview" , I dont hold that against them . While I may disagree with their opinions and /or beliefs it doesnt preclude us from being friends . Unlike some of those friends I've never made it my concern what other people might do in their bedrooms because a) I dont care and B) it's none of my business . I just dont see it as "mind boggling" at all that you made friends with a co worker .. .
Jeffrey Allen April 25, 2012 at 11:39 pm
You just don't have anything to learn from anyone, do you? Amazing...
Actually, If you'd open your mind a half a crack, at least long enough to read that article less flippantly, you might see it differently. I think the story is a good one, one that needs to be told. It's a story of true acceptance of the person amid the disagreement of the ideals. You really think you've got the market corned on that one? Really? With the things you say? Your take: "meh...I don't need to read that...I know everything there is to know about acceptance and tolerance. My bestest buddies are members of your stupid cult. Even though I consider them diseased and find their belief in made up campfire crap about invisible sky wizards, I'm so tolerant that I put up with them. It's OK for me to say hateful things, I get a special pass because I sleep in every Sunday. You have a lot to learn from me" Open your mind, man. A bigot who thinks he's not a bigot is still a bigot. A bigot who thinks his brand of bigotry is Okay? That's even worse.
Grant April 26, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Jeff,
Thank you so much once again for your halfwitted and boring analysis of me .. again.. That was so special, really ... Havent you got disciples to make or something more important that following me around the internet taking shots at me ? Seriously dude...I appreciate the attention but I fear it's become an obsession with you . I read the article . I just dont find it "mind boggling" that Kris and Lori are friends. I'd find it mind boggling if one's superstitions prevented them from making friends with other people
Robert J. Nebel April 26, 2012 at 01:49 pm
Very nice blog post, Kris. Agreeing to disagree in a civil manner is a basic principle that society ought to embrace.
Ryan Smith (Editor) April 26, 2012 at 01:50 pm
Grant, you really aren't doing yourself any favors. Kris was explaining an experience that was important to him, and more importantly, calling attention to the fact that we tend to label those with whom we disagree in order to more easily dismiss them.
Now, I disagree with some of Kris's positions. For instance, in my experience from attending various churches, those with a "Gospel worldview" are more likely to be insular and less likely to be accepting of differences. But that's only my experience, and I try to recognize that my own biases flavor my worldview and reserve final judgment until the evidence is in. You're dismissing Kris's experience out of hand, and whether you mean to or not, it's making you come across as smugly self-satisfied. Personally, I quickly dismiss the arguments of smugly self-satisfied religious folks. That may be a failing, but most people don't want to deal with smugness, regardless of the worth of the argument being made. So I imagine humble religious folks -- who are trying, like Kris, to say something important about how religion relates to the world outside the church -- have the right to dismiss the arguments of smugly self-satisfied secularists.
Ryan Smith (Editor) April 26, 2012 at 01:55 pm
But where would our society be if we didn't reduce other people to cartoons and take shots at them?
...Actually, we could probably spend all the extra free time on important things like science, aid to the disenfranchised and political cooperation.
Grant April 26, 2012 at 02:21 pm
Et tu Ryan?
More analysis of me ? Really? I just dont think that Kris having a gay friend is any sort of a "big deal" or "mind boggling" or a " relationship that just shouldn't be (according to our culture)." Color me "smugly self satisfied" if you like . I have always made my friendships based solely on "the person" . I find it "mind boggling" that this comes as some sort of epiphany to anyone . I dont qualify my friendships based on what church people go to or what they do in their bedrooms and I remain smugly self satisfied that is the way it should be and it's good to see Kris in agreement , even if he finds it "mind boggling" to simply accept people for who they are .
Ryan Smith (Editor) April 26, 2012 at 02:34 pm
Grant, I meant you were coming across as smug and self-satisfied, rather than that you WERE smug and self-satisfied. However, upon further reflection, it's six of one, half a dozen of the other, and I shouldn't have used the phrase. I apologize.
Ryan Smith (Editor) April 26, 2012 at 02:37 pm
I can only plead, as I stated above, that one's own biases tend to cloud one's worldview. Since I don't know you and have only a couple of comments to go on, there is insufficient evidence for me to go rendering judgments on your personality. And I try my best to be part of the evidence-based community. Don't always succeed, but I'm a big fan of objective reality, so I keep on plugging away at it.
Jeffrey Allen April 26, 2012 at 06:45 pm
Those who lack objectivity aren't going to embrace it. I try to be objective as well, sometimes I fail at it like every one else but I suppose I'm one of those that dosen't cotton well to the smugness you speak of. Grant and I go back a ways, he's not really not a bad dude but I really can't stand the way he talks down to people. I make no apologies for standing firm when folks can't play nice with others.
You don't have anything to apologize for, Ryan. That was well said and spot on. Gold star.
Grant April 26, 2012 at 08:40 pm
Jeff ,
Please point out my offense in this discussion that caused you to go off on yet another round of personal attacks against me ? Maybe you should try church or something to improve your attitude towards others?
Jeffrey Allen April 27, 2012 at 02:54 pm
A personal attack? Like where I called you half-witted?
Oh, wait...
Grant April 27, 2012 at 04:43 pm
That was a compliment!
Grant April 27, 2012 at 04:44 pm
FWIW If you actually READ what I wrote "halfwitted" was applied to your analysis of me as opposed to you personally..But by all means take it as a compliment as you prefer.
Jeffrey Allen April 27, 2012 at 05:02 pm
That's not a compliment..."He's actually not a bad dude"....THAT's a compliment. Or was that the personal attack?
Maybe it's opposite day in Grant/Bizzaro World? At a minimum, calling someone a half-wit is assigning a label no matter how you slice it. Maybe you should read this article again as it seems you might've missed that point.
L Wood April 27, 2012 at 05:13 pm
Being that my name is mentioned a few times in this, as well as my father's, I think I can jump into this conversation. Here's what I see (or read)...when you do not know a person who is ___________, then what you have to go on is what other people tell you or how __________ is portrayed by the media, television, religious leaders, teachers, etc. If, from your childhood, you are told that goldfish are poisonous, then you will probably believe that goldfish are poisonous until you learn for yourself that they are not. Those people who have not learned that goldfish are ok because they don't know any may find it completely crazy that you have a goldfish. And in this particular case, either Kris or myself could be the goldfish.
Kris Parker April 27, 2012 at 05:25 pm
I never thought of myself as a goldfish...I never could keep those things alive and well. Good point though, exactly on the lines I was going after.
Grant April 27, 2012 at 05:46 pm
So is calling someone a bigot...
And again I didnt call YOU a halfwit chum, I commented on your unprovoked analysis of me .. To those with no wit at all half witted IS indeed a compliment , it's all a matter of perspective now isnt it?
Jeffrey Allen April 27, 2012 at 07:57 pm
I never called you a bigot. I made a general statement about bigotry in the same paragraph where I asked you to open you mind. It's a general statement that I stand behind but I'm not sure why you tried that shoe on...But hey, if it fits...
I can play off technicalities and the stupid literalism game too, chum...
Jeffrey Allen April 27, 2012 at 08:07 pm
Well said!
A story well worth reading, from both sides of the fishbowl. Or maybe it's that fishbowls don't even really have sides? Maybe it's that some fish just hang back...either out of fear, misunderstanding, or self-satisfied smugness. Probably a combination of all in most cases.
Mike Hipp April 28, 2012 at 12:24 am
As a gay, vegan, progressively liberal atheist; some of my best friends have been and are people who have religiously centered world views. Also, some of the people who have been most toxic in my life have been people who have religiously centered world views.
I find that I can get along with anybody that is not a strict fundamentalist. It's a general fact that most people, in a one on one situation, strive to be amenable.
Ryan Smith (Editor) April 28, 2012 at 04:24 am
Mike,
Good point. One of the best friends I've ever had, an old Army buddy, couldn't be further away from me on the political and social spectrum (although he occasionally surprises me on a case-by-case basis). When we get together, we get into huge political arguments, but they're arguments over a beer, with a lot of laughing and general good nature. You're right -- most people aren't insufferable jerks one-on-one. The Internet can make you forget that!
Grant April 28, 2012 at 01:26 pm
Vegan?
Well that cuts it. No way I could even be remotely civil to a vegan ( because what YOU eat is somehow MY business ) Of course I'm joking. Someone's eating habits/lifestyle is no more a barrier to friendship to me than their sexual orientation or religious beliefs. Boggles the mind...
Grant April 28, 2012 at 01:28 pm
and yes Jeff....it seems you have "stupid" down pat...Well done
Next time maybe you could read my posts before you get all personal

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David Binder June 18, 2013 at 06:03 pm
And it's not posting my comment how I typed it. It's jumbled on the "Boards" banner.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) June 18, 2013 at 06:11 pm
Yea, sorry David. We are still dealing with some "issues." It rejected Jason's blog, andRead More none of us, not even our top regional editor, is being given authority to release it. Poor Jason, I know he so hates being rejected! And we hate it happening to him. The people not being "bugged" by technical issues, however, are reporting that it is super easy to use.
Tammy Osier June 18, 2013 at 01:08 am
Sadly, Mr. Newman, we have people who live in a utopic vision of the world and refuse to believeRead More that this can happen. Sounds a bit like 1984. Ironic too, is that in the bible, when the Lord was referring to people being blinded and going astray, he referred to them as sheep, and that phrase has been coined today to denote the same type of mentality. This could happen if our watchmen stop guarding the gate.
Karsten Torch June 18, 2013 at 12:39 pm
What's sad is that people will accuse you of needing a tinfoil hat because of this post. But weRead More are marching inexorably toward this end, the only thing we can really control is how quickly or slowly we get there.....
Tom Laverick June 18, 2013 at 01:06 pm
That looks similar to a lost dog poster at the corner of 81 and Bold Springs Road.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) June 18, 2013 at 03:05 pm
Tom, I will see if I can find the connection.
Sharon Swanepoel (Editor) June 18, 2013 at 05:51 pm
Good news! Her name is Izzi and she has been reunited with her owners.
tijensen June 15, 2013 at 12:34 pm
The better assignment would have been how could you have written a letter to try and convince themRead More not to commit suicide. To persuade them about all the wonderful things you love about them, how special they are and what the world would miss if they were not in it. A creative teacher could have used the same exercise to teach a life lesson that may have helped someone save a life down the road.
Tammy Osier June 15, 2013 at 12:40 pm
TJ, exactly. Like you said, a GOOD teacher would have found a way to make students think outside theRead More box yet still examine the mood of the story. But I do agree with ggy that it might have been more appropriate for a college aged student. High school (girls especially) have so much drama going on inside of them, and confusion about so many things, that it might be impossible for them to be objective in an assignment like that. Boo to the teacher.
flyinby June 15, 2013 at 08:34 pm
strikes me as more subversive attempts by perverted minds dedicated to influence all our childrenRead More with this sick mindset: http://larouchepac.com/node/11188 http://www.naturalnews.com/040744_euthanasia_children_mercy_killings.html http://www.lifenews.com/2013/06/06/sarah-palin-blasts-sebelius-for-denying-girls-lifesaving-lung-transplant/ http://cnsnews.com/blog/judie-brown/lives-unworthy-be-lived-and-polst http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/the-elite-are-attempting-to-convince-us-that-killing-off-our-sick-grandparents-is-cool-and-trendy suicides higher than car crashes past few yrs http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207089/56-million-suicide-prevention-programme-launched-study-reveals-Americans-lives-die-car-crashes.html http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/02/08/more-states-consider-legalizing-assisted-suicide-as-baby-boomers-age/
Octo Slash June 14, 2013 at 12:18 pm
My kids drink coffee every morning because they need something to accompany their cigarettes.
Tammy Osier June 14, 2013 at 01:12 pm
Tr - the perfect diet - the Mediterranean diet has a lot of fish in it. Olive oils etc... OurRead More American diet has a lot of animal fat in it and look at us as opposed to other nations! Fish oil is brain food. A multi is good, but we should ask our pediatricians about adding fish oil to our kids' diets. We should get our (good) fats through diet. Good fats help vitamins go where they are supposed to and do what they're supposed to do.
Deedee June 15, 2013 at 08:12 pm
My grandma always drunk coffee all day and I started around 30 and I am no good without at least oneRead More cup a day but she always stated that we couldn't have any as kids because it will stunt our growth. I have always felt that there is something to many of those old sayings and did not let my son touch it.
Tammy Osier June 17, 2013 at 01:53 pm
DR, seems like an oxymoron doesn't it? I'd like to hear from someone who is actually from there toRead More find out their spin on why they even enter a contestant in the first place. It's my understanding that a woman that shows that much skin in public will be flogged or worse? Maybe democracy is taking ahold in some places, who knows?
Good Grief Y'all June 17, 2013 at 03:24 pm
I was wrong. Guys are interested pageants. You would no doubt be happy if the contestants justRead More wore the face shawl with their bikinis.
Karsten Torch June 17, 2013 at 04:30 pm
Couple of thoughts - One, why hold it in a land where there is going to be this kind of protest?Read More Just move it and don't worry about it. Other, I find it interesting how the Muslims want us to be understanding and inclusive of their beliefs, but don't even think they'll allow anything they don't agree with. Just a tad bit hypocritical...
R June 14, 2013 at 02:06 am
You mean the FEES don't you? Cause they aint taxes don't you know...
Bonnie June 14, 2013 at 11:50 am
I call it a "rainbow!"
M.K. Osborne June 14, 2013 at 03:30 pm
Fees is when its lightning too .
Mr. B June 13, 2013 at 01:29 pm
They're not Americans. They don't deserve to step foot on American soil.
Good Grief Y'all June 13, 2013 at 01:34 pm
Meh, a difference without distinction.
Good Grief Y'all June 13, 2013 at 01:37 pm
Huh, you learn something once in a while on Patch blog threads. I didn't know you must be anRead More American citizen to be tried and convicted of crimes against America . . . ;p I think John and Sarah could handle them . . . you betcha! They would probably beg to be sent back to Gitmo. LOL
EMILY GOLDSTEIN June 7, 2013 at 10:35 am
We don't know yet..it was not me who found her. They had Gwinnett pick her up after staying withherRead More for a few hours..we will know after they process her there. I have contacted golden retriever rescues to let them know so they can see if they have lost ads ..or if need be rescue her
EMILY GOLDSTEIN June 8, 2013 at 02:24 am
She is so sad and missing her owner ANIMAL ID#32243 I am in PEN 114, FEMALE, GOLDEN RETRIEVER. TheRead More shelter thinks I am 3 YEARS OLD. I will be available for adoption starting 6/12/13. FOUND STRAY, LARGE, FRIENDLY Contact the shelter for more info 770-339-3200.
EMILY GOLDSTEIN June 10, 2013 at 03:11 am
Reunited!
Good Grief Y'all June 12, 2013 at 11:43 am
The top marginal tax rate in 1945 was 94%; today it is 35%. This info from one of the slides in theRead More article on various tax charts, including corporate. "A look at 2010 data reveals that the U.S. is one of the least taxed countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), according to a study released Monday by Citizens For Tax Justice. The CTJ added up federal, state and local tax revenue. The only countries in the OECD that collected a smaller percentage in taxes are Chile and Mexico, according to the data. The OECD is a group of 34 countries that work together to improve the global economy." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/08/us-lowest-taxes-most-industralized-countries_n_3039470.html?utm_hp_ref=business&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D295994
Good Grief Y'all June 12, 2013 at 12:30 pm
So, B, are you saying no corporations pay taxes? If that were true, why do they offshoreRead More manufacturing and money to avoid and evade? Some don't pay depending on their structure, many do. US corps don't pay as much as most in developed countries, and they sure won't go along with paying more or seeing their CEOs pay more on individual returns. According to the OECD as mentioned in the link, US corporations pay an e f f e c t i v e rate of 13%. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/08/us-lowest-taxes-most-industralized-countries_n_3039470.html?utm_hp_ref=business&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D295994
Maria Navarro June 13, 2013 at 04:36 pm
Most of the government organizations cannot be trusted, as they have been filled with mostly crooksRead More (not all, but a good majority who use their power to fill their pockets)therefore, I think the IRS should be abolished. We need to go to a FAIR TAX and this way EVERYONE would have to pay their fair share!