On Getting Tanked...

Some thoughts from inside a Dunk Tank during the Grayson Day festival:

• It is impossible to get into a dunk tank mindset after your daughter goes missing for 10 minutes in the middle of 1,000 people and you having absolutely no idea where she's at until some very nice people bring her to the dunk tank you're supposed to occupy.
• The definition of parenthood: wanting to hug and punish your kid at the same time.
• 61 degree water feels very nice when you've walked in a parade in 800 degree weather while carrying a rather whiny three year-old boy.
• After 13 consecutive dunks, 61 degree water no longer feels so nice.
• Were Grayson to ever be attacked by hostile enemies, the citizenry should simply defend themselves with the kids from the local baseball and softball leagues--there cannot be more accurate aims in the entire world.
• Given a chance, people will throughly relish dunking a Baptist minister.
• If you ever need to raise a truckload of money, here's a simple idea: rent a dunk tank and charge $25 a head for parents to be able to dunk their teenagers. You'd be surprised how many parents begged for the chance.
• Small children can be as cruel as adults.
• Taunting people with bad aim is only fun for so long. After that, you begin to feel bad for them and wish they COULD hit the broad side of a barn. Just once. For the satisfaction.
• Kris Parker's kids are really, really good shots. And he married WAY over his head. Just like me.
• There is a lot of unchecked agression among the preteen population in Grayson. Just sayin'.
• After 30 minutes of splashdowns, you begin to regret wearing standard shorts and undies.
• After 45 minutes, you just regret the entire idea.
• Once people find out they can dunk someone for free, they'll stand in line for over 15 minutes just for the chance to do it again.
• There are a lot of people who attend the Grayson Day festival.
• Most of them are hungry.
• There are actually quite a few people who not only read this blog, but actually enjoy it. Or at the very least, pretend to.
• The Patch community is one of the very best. It's comprised of some very nice people.
• When your dunk tank is located in the shade, there is absolutely ZERO chance of the water warming up.
• Every dunk tank rental should come with a free bottle of Gold Bond Medicated Powder.
• Sacrificing your personal dignity for a few hours so other people can smile is a pretty darn good way to spend your day.
• But next year, I'll just let my students man the booth...