On Getting Tanked...

I spent most of Grayson Day in a very cold dunk tank. Here are some of the things that went through my head (other than water...).

Some thoughts from inside a Dunk Tank during the Grayson Day festival:

  • It is impossible to get into a dunk tank mindset after your daughter goes missing for 10 minutes in the middle of 1,000 people and you having absolutely no idea where she's at until some very nice people bring her to the dunk tank you're supposed to occupy.
  • The definition of parenthood: wanting to hug and punish your kid at the same time.
  • 61 degree water feels very nice when you've walked in a parade in 800 degree weather while carrying a rather whiny three year-old boy.
  • After 13 consecutive dunks, 61 degree water no longer feels so nice.
  • Were Grayson to ever be attacked by hostile enemies, the citizenry should simply defend themselves with the kids from the local baseball and softball leagues--there cannot be more accurate aims in the entire world.
  • Given a chance, people will throughly relish dunking a Baptist minister.
  • If you ever need to raise a truckload of money, here's a simple idea: rent a dunk tank and charge $25 a head for parents to be able to dunk their teenagers. You'd be surprised how many parents begged for the chance.
  • Small children can be as cruel as adults.
  • Taunting people with bad aim is only fun for so long. After that, you begin to feel bad for them and wish they COULD hit the broad side of a barn. Just once. For the satisfaction.
  • Kris Parker's kids are really, really good shots. And he married WAY over his head. Just like me.
  • There is a lot of unchecked agression among the preteen population in Grayson. Just sayin'.
  • After 30 minutes of splashdowns, you begin to regret wearing standard shorts and undies.
  • After 45 minutes, you just regret the entire idea.
  • Once people find out they can dunk someone for free, they'll stand in line for over 15 minutes just for the chance to do it again.
  • There are a lot of people who attend the Grayson Day festival.
  • Most of them are hungry.
  • There are actually quite a few people who not only read this blog, but actually enjoy it. Or at the very least, pretend to.
  • The Patch community is one of the very best. It's comprised of some very nice people.
  • When your dunk tank is located in the shade, there is absolutely ZERO chance of the water warming up.
  • Every dunk tank rental should come with a free bottle of Gold Bond Medicated Powder.
  • Sacrificing your personal dignity for a few hours so other people can smile is a pretty darn good way to spend your day.
  • But next year, I'll just let my students man the booth...

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Michelle Black April 30, 2012 at 09:27 PM
That was great. I've had a hard day at work today so after reading this, I am smiling. Thank you!
Sharon Swanepoel April 30, 2012 at 09:31 PM
Ah Jason, that won't be half as much fun. Just start stocking up on Gold Bond from now and you should be good by then.
Jason Brooks April 30, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Always happy to help, Michelle. Hope your day gets better!
Jason Brooks April 30, 2012 at 11:23 PM
Fun is in the wet underwear of the wearer, you know.
North Georgia Weather May 01, 2012 at 05:07 PM
Don't feel bad... many of our staff (including yours truly) at Centerville Elementary are going to get hit with whipped cream pies by our students if they passed the CRCT. I should have a great picture for you! :-)


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