Do you think this teacher saying the graduates "are not special" is crossing the line? I don't think graduation was the right time for it, but I agree that we do over-reward kids sometimes. A trophy for placing 10th out of 10 teams in a soccer tournament? Also known as losing? A bit too much.

My husband was always really tough on the kids with this. His favorite saying, "Second place is first loser." I thought that was over doing it (yea Brad, I was with you on this one), but I agree. Life doesn't make us all winners. We have to learn to live with putting in our best effort and still coming up short sometimes.

You are not your job. You are not how much you have in the bank. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your khakis. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

It's ok to be a beautiful and unique snowflake in your parents eyes, but the same parents do their kids a disservice if they don't prepare their kids for a world that will not indulge them as being "special". Too many out there in the workplace that think their employers "owe" them something, then quit, and go from job to job. That's a mindset that needs to go, and maybe what the guy is trying to say. Graduation is an accomplishment. You succeeded at something, but it doesn't make you entitled to anything. From that point on, you will have to work and prove yourself in the workplace. I think maybe he was attacking the 'entitlement" syndrome infesting our society today, but I do agree that it was not appropriate to attack a day that has a personal specialness about it. As long as people teach their children the difference between 'special" and "entitled", then they will fare well.

Vanzetta, cannot tell you how much I agree with that!!! We've lost our ability to teach kids the true meaning of competativeness. How can you learn to deal with disappointment, if you never lose a game? You learn how to take yourslef in hand, re-evaluate your situation, make adjustments and go on to become the best you can be. Life will not treat you that way in adulthood. You will lose your job if you don't know how to work hard to prove yourself the best person for the job. I think we have really neutered our kids in this respect, and it's frustrating to deal with the adults they become. Our society will pay for it I fear.

This is sad and inappropriate. It is our job as educators to uplift our students. Not the place of a teacher or educator (or human being) to say something like this. Not today, not tomorrow, not EVER.

I assume that none of you were at this ceremony ... I was. My son was a graduating senior. David McCullough's speech was remarkable, inspiring and very positive ... appreciated by parents and students alike. Perhaps people should stop focusing on these four words taken out of context from a speech that lasted over 12 minutes, and listen to the entire speech. It's available online. After you listen to the speech in its entirety, then, and only then, will you be qualified to comment on its content.

I think it was a very funny and inspiring speech.
Here is the link:
http://youtu.be/_lfxYhtf8o4

Vanzetta: I'm not able to reply to your question directly, so I'll just leave another comment here to answer your question. Thank you, first of all ... it was a very special day for my son and the rest of our family. As far as my son and his classmates are concerned ... the spotlight has not been taken away from them ... to the contrary ... they are squarely in the middle of it, thanks to David McCullough's speech. Nobody would be talking about the Wellesley High School graduation (other than those of us in Wellesley) were it not for this speech. Mr. McCullough was my son's English teacher this past year, and he admires Mr. McCullough tremendously. He is a great teacher, a terrific person and, as I think you will agree after listening to the speech, a wonderful speaker. I have shown the video to friends of mine who were not in attendance, and they all thought it was a great commencement address. Hopefully you will too after you watch it.

Thanks for the follow-up.

Trust me Gregg, people aren't talking about Wellesley High school. Most I'm sure are not even aware of what state the school's in. They're too busy talking about Mr. McCullough's speech which tells students, "They are not special" However, congratulations to your son! I hope he truly understands what Mr. McCullough was saying instead of clapping because everyone else did.

@Joy I agree. There's a place for everything, and I just don't see these words fit with any type of meaning for this occasion. What may seem like just 12 minutes to someone else, could be the beginning of a lifetime to others. And if we are speaking the difference between special and entitlement, we need to say just that to the students. If we need to say the world owes them nothing, then we need to say just that to the students...which would be hard for most teenagers to decipher from "You are not special"...which too some may actually mean they don't owe the world anything either.

@Vanzetta, Sharon and Tammy, I do agree we can over reward kids sometimes and turn them into monsters, but I just don't believe that telling them they are special has that type of affect. I honestly do believe that it's the kids who are not treated special that become the menaces...they are chasing a feeling they should have been reward from their parents....like a friend said, "You better make your children feel special, before someone you might not approve of does."

Why has graduating from high school become such a big deal anyway? I think it speaks to both the lowering of our standards as a nation and the pampering Mr. McCullough addressed in his speach. Parents bringing air horns to graduation, screaming so loudly they get arrested, planting signs with their child's picture outside neighborhoods, I mean come on. Graduating from high school should be EXPECTED! That is why Mr. McCullough was correct in what he said. It seems the students understood him fine. It's the adults having a hissy fit.

I listened to it. Here goes: I think he is speaking to the generation of kids that have been raised with the "I'm OK, You're OK" mentality of "self-esteem" when he says, "I think we've come to love accolades more than genuine achievement". Then he said, "You've come to see them as the point, and we're happy to compromise standards and ignore reality if we suspect that’s the quickest way or the only way to put something on the mantelpiece." It's about the social totem pole. He talked about how we've cheapened the concept of doing something for the sake of what's right, but the attitude becomes, "What will this get me?" He said, "We've cheapened worthy endeavors where building a clinic in Guatemala becomes more about something to put on a college application rather than for the well being of Guatemalans." Wow. Powerful speech.

Continued...
He ended by saying that education should be, not simply for a way to advance monetarily, but for the exhilaration of learning. He hopes that they gained the wisdom of knowing that they don't know everything. He challenged them to, “…read as a matter of principle...dream big, work hard, develop and protect a moral sensibility and demonstrate the character to apply it." I could go on. He basically was saying, "You have done what is expected of you...what you are going to do with it? Nothing is going to fall in your lap because you're special. So, he was talking about the entitlement trap. It was actually very positive and uplifting. I think people should listen before they judge. I wish I had. Good for him.

@ Tonya...I think that the kids probably came away with a sense of being challenged and quite grown up. The man talked to them like they were adults, not children. Years ago, when I first started at the Alternative School, I had an at-risk kid who had been in trouble, tell me something very profound. I asked him why he liked our school. He said, "Well, at my regular school, they try to counsel us and tell us how wonderful we are thinking that 's going to make us get better. Well, I know right off the bat that that's a lie! I'm NOT OK, and you guys aren't afraid to tell me that. Once I know that you know all about me and yet you love me anyway, then you can help me. It's the acceptance for who I am, but also the truth about what I do and what needs to be done about it that helps me get better." So, the praise, without the truth cripples our kids. That guy was very positive and uplifting, but he was bold enough to tell them that the world doesn't revolve around them - it's about what they are going to do for others with their unique gifts and talents that will ultimately make them special. That was my take on it.

@Greg and Tammy, thanks for your comments :)

Every kid today gets a snack and drink at their ballgames, every kid gets a trophy just for playing, every kid is getting spoiled because they don't learn about life. I never considered HS graduation an accomplishment, but rather something that was expected of me. It was just another step along the way. We didn't need twitter and facebook, we didn't need cell phones, we didn't need any of this stuff that kids have today. The only reason that this is a story is because of all the soccer moms and their mentality -- which is also why so many of them are divorced. They were also spoiled. The bigger and more expensive the wedding, the shorter the marriage. They don't care about marriage but about how they could impress someone with all the glitz. We have become a very superficial and wimpy society.

@Theodore that's the whole premise to what I'm saying.When I was growing up it was expected of me to graduate too but I also know that their were children out there who had so many obstacles against them and I teach many now. Everyone deserves to feel like they have achieved something personal..everyone deserves to feel special.The problem is the foundations.It stems from parenting. Many children have actually not really ever felt special because their parents have pampered them with material things, privileges and all sorts..and the truth is none of it can actually make them feel special..it's so unfortunate, there is no replacement for showing them love, giving them time and attention to show how special they are. Those kids in the audience who have never received any of those things who put in their hardest work to achieve graduation should not be thrown in the lesson on how special they are not.like someone said there's a time to make it memorable and a time to make it a lesson.But I can appreciate the fact that people are waking up to what it takes to really make a child feel special.It's not the material things,because when one understands what true love, they know how to love and will know that nothing material can ever take it's place.Parents aren't making enough sacrifice and are attempting to replace love with material things.The rearing starts when kids are born.It's too late to let their teacher scold them at their graduation and then applaud. The damage is done.

It's not a teacher's job to make students feel special. Their job is to prepare kids for college, the work place, and the real world. When a child enters one of these three environments, they will see that they are not special. Adults need to stop worrying about how we make kids feel and start focusing on teaching them life lessons.

Mr. Adams that doesn't make much sense. Good teachers understand the importance of focusing on the whole child. Teachers have students most of the day. They are care takers. It's funny what you say because I see employees rummaging around in different work environments all day trying to feel special because apparently they haven't gotten it anywhere else. How people feel makes a huge impact on how they deal in the work place which is the real world. It is what it is..everyone wants to feel special and many will go to dangerous heights to do it. Often times, people who have never felt special will get joy out of telling others they are not. It doesn't fix any problem. "Adults need to stop worrying about how we make kids feel"....Seriously? But I"m glad you said that because that's actually our problem....BTW You can make an impression, but you can't teach a life lesson in a speech.

Ms. Grace, I know a teacher's responsibilities quite well. I am a teacher. I agree with you that how people feel impacts their interactions with others, but it is no one's responsibilty to make someone else feel special. And furthermore, what does feeling special even mean? How can one be special if we are all special? Life is beautiful, delicate and inspiring. However, life is also unfair, challenging, and full of inequality. It is no more your responsibility to make me feel special than it is my responsibility to pay your bills. I would say it is your rosy perspective on life that is "our problem," as you put it, not my statement that "Adults need to stop worrying how we make children feel." Telling people they're special leads to snobbery and entitlement. When someone is evicted from their home, the bank does not worry about how they feel. When a company is hiring employess, they do not worry about the feeling of the applicants they did not hire. Life is not a feel good contest. We as teachers educate them for the realities of the world. That is our job. Yes, we acknowledge and reward good behavior, we priase work ethic, we enourage and support, we let them know we care. That is what a good teacher does. BTW...it is your opinion that a life lesson cannot be taught in a graduation speech. Could not a student look at the speech Mr. McCullough gave, and the reaction it has gotten, and learn something valuable from it?

Wait, I'm confused. Didn't Tanya Grace say: "What may seem like just 12 minutes to someone else, could be the beginning of a lifetime to others." So how can she then say life lessons can't be taught in a speech? Are we to believe a speech can ruin the rest of a kid's life, but it can't teach a life lesson?

Ms. Grace and Ms. Adams, I think there is validity in both of your positions. I will beg to differ with you, Ms. Adams, in regards to your "job" as an Educator not including making student feel special. Your statement the laments that we cannot all be special is baffling to me. I am also an Educator and a parent. I raised my 2 children with a wholistic childrearing approach and if I do say so myself, my 2 kids are turning out to be simply amazing. Let me begin to list the accomplishments......voted to receive the Eve Carson Award by her entire 5th grade class, the only student in the class to exceed on the state writing assessment, taking the SAT as a 7th grader and qualifying for the next 4 years of Duke University TIP's summer programs....I embody the same enthusiastic, earnest philisophy with students as I have with my 2 kids: You are ALL special! You ALL have strengths! You must ALL capitalize on those strengths to succeed in life!

Teaching from a strengths based perspective helps keep kids on the right track, whether they grow up to be doctors, politicians, parks and recreation workers, artists, garbage pick-up people, authors, farmers. Treating some like less than others diffuses self-esteem and leads to self-destructive behavior. That's why the private investors in GA keep building new prisons and they remain full to overflowing!

@Mr. Adams, in my opinion.."NO" but the true sad reality is majority of the people have your mentality and that's the problem with the world...nobody had feelings for the troops who were sent on two and three tours to war...we all know the results of that..@Mike don't be confused... you can pick through whatever you want of what I said, but I still say telling students they are not special during their graduation is far from the answer. Try voicing your comments to the thousands whose parents leave them behind in foster care, or homeless shelters. It was nobody's responsibility to make them feel special, or the thousands of prisoners in population with more taking up space everyday. No matter how we try to act inhuman and so tough to make each other out of machines because of the importance of work.. "praise hard work" so we can make others millions because they are the ones special, the human spirit will reject it in some, shape, manner, or form and that's what we see in the world today....a huge machinery belt with humans falling off the line left and right ....

@Athens mama...I agree totally

Athens Mama, where in my response did I say I treat some "less than others," as you say in your post? I have children, too. They have accomplishments as well. But I bet every parent can say that about their kids. So, again, how does that make your children or my children special? How is it "baffling" to you that we cannot all be special? To be special implies, by definition, that you are better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual. Who would say their children are not special? Nothing you said disproves my previous post's assertion, in fact, it validates it! If everyone is special NO ONE is special! How is that hard to understand? As far as the prisoners you alluded to in your post, are you saying no one made them feel special? Are you saying that is why they are incarcerated? Because no one made them feel special? Seriously? What is going on here? Why is it so hard to accept that some people make poor decisions? Not because no one told them they were special, but because THEY made the wrong choice. Inversely, everyone who becomes successfull in life was not told they were special. Some were told they weren't special, which in turn motivated them to achieve. Why can't someone be motivated by their own desire to achieve? Life is a series of decisions. Each discesion you make has implications. A good teacher prepares students to make good decisions.

@Mr. Adams...again tell that to the thousands who make poor choices..to the gang members seeking that special attention, to the bullies children deal with everyday at school, or to the children who commit suicide, probably one everyday because of how unspecial the bullies make them feel.

Tonya, what are you talking about? Troops? War? Machinery with humans falling off the line? Total nonsense. You speak of homeless shelters, I volunteer at shelters for homeless children, do you? You speak of the military, I was in the military, were you? Why wouldn't you priase hard work? It helps you achieve in life, and it's what the military taught me. You seem to be confusing actions and feelings. While you're making kids "feel special" I'll teach them how to succeed. Give me a break. Feelings don't pay bills, put food in the motuhs of your children, or cure illness. You know what does? Hard work by people who care and make effort to do so. You may feel graduation was not the right place for young adults to hear a dose of reality, but I wholeheartedly disagree. There are too many lovey-dovey dreamers out there who think a smile and some kind words can change the world. I get it. It's a nice thought, and I wish it were true...but it's not. Reality is quite different than the stuff your pushing. Believe it or not, it is possible to care about your fellow man while being grounded in reality.

Tonya, tell me how your helping those gang members, children dealing with bullies, or kids contemplating suicide? What exactly are you doing? What's your plan of spreading "specialness" to all of them? Are we going to organize a U.S. "Make People Feel Special" team that flies around the country and fixes everything by making people feel special? How often do these people need to hear they're special? Once a year? Once a month? Daily? Or, could it be that I'm right? That you can't reach, fix, or save every child with words of inspiration? Maybe all you can do is hope for the best? No, I must be wrong, right? Making kids feel special will guarantee they stay in school, stay out of jail, stay out of gangs, have happy personal lives, stay drug free, become great parents, and stop all wars. Let me know how that works out for you, Tonya.

Isley Adams is 100% spot-on with his assessments voiced in the above posts.

Mr. Adams, you do sound quite militant....I knew it was something... FYI, nothing I would normally mention, but yeah I have volunteered for the homeless shelter, and do work for other individuals and charities on a regular basis so others feel special. I was also an E-5 in the Army for 6 years in an Engineering Battalion. BTW, things are working out well for me with "these people" my children who I make feel special with love, attention, and affection so that they reciprocate it. They are in school, not in jail, not in gangs, seem to be quite happy, don't cause trouble at school and love to give and help others feel special...teachers compliment them all the time and give them awards because of their citizenship. Neither are into drugs, and I talk to them about what I believe is the real reason behind wars. War was not the issue, yet a concern...however I mentioned soldiers going on two and three tours to war because they are not special and their feelings don't matter. Yet, when they cause havoc, explode and need to see psychiatrists then they become special and how they feel matters.

@Gary and yeah I am 100% spot on when I said the sad thing is most people think like him.

Isley, I agree with Gary. You are absolutely correct in what you've said. Also, you don't sound militant at all, in my opinion. Rather, Tonya sounds like she's deflecting when she starts talking about how great her kids are. Then she says she's 100% right when she blames the world's problems on you, Isley. That's tacky. It seems she can't accept a different opinion. For what it's worth, I would like my kids to live in a world shaped by people like Isley. Tonya's world seems unrealistic and judgemental. Everyone doesn't have to be like you, Tonya, to make people feel special. Some of us appreciate the honesty Isley is expressing. No need to paint him as millitant for responding to your ramblings.

@ Mike, apparently you ignored all of Mr. Adams questions for me that I answered in what you called "rambling". And yet I feel that my children are special..I said special not perfect..I will shout it to the world and hope that others feel the same about theirs too.. And are we addressing Mr.Adams feelings, now? The same person who said "Adults need to stop worrying about how they make children feel". I never made a statement saying no one had to be like me for anything. I said everyone deserves to feel special and to be told that they are. Make out of what I say whatever you choose, but my feelings will not change.

Thanks, Gary. Mike, let it go. As Gregg Griner said earlier, Tonya obviously doesn't get it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

because horses can smell toxic water.

I have been following this conversation the last few days, and have resisted getting involved. But when I saw Tonya's comment about a horse smelling toxic water, I felt compelled to speak up. I applaud you, Isley, for not needing to get the last word. Please don't judge our entire community by Tonya's writings. She does not represent all of us. Needless to say, I'm sure she'll be responding to me with some snide comment, but I will not respond. I just felt the need to defend Isley against the childish banter of people like Tonya and Msgoff. Keep telling the truth, Mr. Adams!

@Lisa. I'm not sure if you are aware, but this is my column, my opinion. I am suppose to respond. I think it's quite childish to call someone else childish when they are doing their job. Isn't that what hard working adults do? Or maybe you got offended because I don't stand for whatever it is you may believe. But it is my duty to voice my opinion when I am paid to. I haven't tried to represent anyone but myself and the fact that I feel that children should be made to feel special regardless. I will say again, a graduation ceremony is not the place to tell children they are "not special" that speech should have been for the parents who may have raised their children with a sense of entitlement.. making it the parents fault,not the children, being special and feeling that you are better than others is too different things. You can applaud Mr. Adams and whomever you like, but I will say again in representation of myself and never my community; I would hate to make someone think I'm running for office. But the truth of the matter and very sad problem is most people have the same mentality that Mr.Adams does. "Adults shouldn't worry about how they make children feel" And I would like to apologize to Msgoff for being thrown in with insults directed towards me. This is not your column Lisa, you shouldn't feel "compelled" to respond, needless to say.

The kids might be special, but that won't help them in the future. Try putting "I'm special" on a job or loan application. It might work for the sauce on a Big Mac, but not on a job or loan application.

Join the military and see how that special thing works out.

Tonya, you keep hammering (and misquoting) Isley for his comment, "Adults need to stop worrying about how we make kids feel." Is it possible that you misunderstand his point? Do you really think he's telling adults to insult kids, disrespect them, and hurt their feelings in general? I don't think that was his message. I think he was saying that sometimes the truth hurts, but we can't let that stop us from being honest with our children. To continue characterizing Mr. Adams as some cruel person is to do a disservice to your readers.

@ David how do you actually know what feeling special does for others? Notice I said "special" not "better" Have you ever felt special? Well I have, and it's that special feeling that I got from my parents that actually got me through bootcamp for joining the Army. Don't be silly, who would actually put "I'm special" on a job application?...however employers do ask if they have any "special talents or skills" and how they stand out from the rest to make the company unique...to make the company "special".

LOL thanks for speaking for Mr. Adams , Mike...I don't know Mr. Adams all I can go by is what he says. Thanks everyone... It will never end.. I think I got my point across. I believe this column has gotten it's due justice. It's for the best that I stop right here. And for those who continue to respond just know that my opinion stays the same.

So you can't use common sense? LOL!!!!!!!! You definitely got a point across alright. Probably not the one you intended though. I should have taken your advice, Isley, and let it go. What a waste of time!

Here's a special graduation with special kids and special parents. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/14/parents-brawl-preschool-graduation_n_1598452.html

I felt "compelled" to respond to your link, Monica. Which again proves my point. It's the "parents", not the children. Do you honestly believe these children feel special? I would hope not. And I'm pretty sure I can hunt on youtube and find a video of all kinds of groups of moms behaving irrationally.................

Tonya Grace, a suggestion: stop responding to these comments because it will only get worse. I try not to respond, but occasionally cannot resist, esp. when a teacher says it is not her job to make students feel special, but it is not worth it. My comments are not "childish banter," and I responded to a comment that I disagree with. Whenever I have read comments online they become personally insulting, degrading and derogatory, and in this case is no different. If you read many of the online posts they run the same way are similar to this; actually many are worst than this. There is no right or wrong to cover everyone, it is an individual's opinion. My summation: it's like a conversation between a Democrat and a Republican and a Tea Party Patriot, an atheist and a Christian, etc. Okay, now everybody jump on that!! Yes, this is the problem in the world today. Mr. McCullough's speech was totally misconstrued because our vision is so narrow, we are all so angry with each other, and do we really know why. God bless America (which means not only a piece of land, boundaries, North and South America - yes there is another America - but may God bless the people of America, the world and these United (??) States of America. A suggested piece of reading material: Google Florida governor's plan to purge voters. Peace and understanding to all of us.

That would be illegal voters.

unable to say for sure if it is only illegal; just reading the news and receiving comments from some concerned citizens in the state. Here are a couple of interesting links: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/06/15/2850710/florida-voter-roll-listed-gov.html. This one is a bit funny, the Gov. was told he could not vote in 2006 because he was dead! Of course there was an exception, which is available to all voters, but probably not as easily available.
http://www.kansascity.com/2012/06/15/3656327/commentary-florida-gov-scotts.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/13/daily-show-tears-apart-rick-scott-voter-purge-video_n_1593017.html and many others. As I said previously, it's like a conversation between a Democrat and a Republican and a Tea Party Patriot. This purging thing is another "good" (?) discussion. :-)

Monica, if you've learned anything from this thread you should know the moms in that video brawled because no one made them feel special. That's the only reason bad stuff happens in the world.

Msgoff, I think the stuff taking place in Florida is happening because no one made these people feel special.

@Msgoff I understood Mr. McCullough's speech well. I just don't feel it was an appropriate time for children. I believe it should have been for the parents, but I agree with you totally on everything else. This experience has truly been enlightening...so sad for our children who will mimic these behaviors smh..yes the purging thing is another "good" discussion ;)

Tanya, you are entitled to your opinion, as we all are, without being maligned, belittled, negatively attacked, whatever words make my childish banter clear. I think if we were all in a room together discussing this our behavior would be totally different, and it would not be a brawl. Indeed it so sad for our children, as we see them mimicking their parents' and our behavior daily, be it good or bad Unfortunately, there is too much bad.

@Msgoff, Wow it's funny that so many couldn't get my point, but you and a few others do...but then again I knew this type of stuff and people existed, just didn't think I would experience it on my column...the world's big problem..."too much bad " or should I say evil.

Aren't you contributing to the wrold's bad by labeling other people "evil," Tonya. Why not call them a different kind of special? That way you can save the world and their feelings. It's a win-win.

Good Lord!!!! The woman simply makes a column about her opinion and the wolves let loose! @ Lisa I hope you don't think you represent the city.

Off topic, but not-
Re: the brawl between parents - Did you all know who has the highest "self-esteem" among societies people? Prisoners - yep. Prisoners. I work with them, and you absolutely cannot convince career criminals that they have done anything wrong (always someone elses fault) because they esteem themselves so highly. "How dare someone do something to ME".
That's the myth of self esteem that's been taught to the exclusion of proper discipline and personal accountability. These women feel ...here's the word again...entitled to do whatever they want, reacting from the emotions because they probably weren't taught that they can't always get theri way. We have a whole generation of "me" generation children who are now adults. I think that this debate would change altogether is the wording were different. I agree with Tonya whereas children should feel "valued". Maybe that's a better word because a person who feels valued goes on to do for themselves and others. I believe the man in the commencement was referring to a self-serving special, not one of being valued. That's why after listening to it, I agree with him because I understand what meaning he was trying to convey.

Tammy, in my opinion, your comments have been "right on," just as Mr. McCullogh's. Thank you. I am now disconnecting from receiving any further comments.

I BEG to differ. I am sitting here reading this surrounded by teenagers in a group home whose fathers will not even see them special enough to visit on father's day I have worked in group homes and prisons for over fifteen years and I fully understand what Ms.grace is forwardly saying. We can't look at what's at the surface. Prisoners appear to have high self esteem to compensate for what's really going on inside and because they think that's the image they have to portray to survive in prison. But I have counseled a lot and most of those guys will neverk admit to anything they think might extend they time they are the victims..let me tell you t how deep feeling special is to a child because most prisoner issues start when they are children..a short story...I use to go eat lunch at my daughters school once a week. This was a year ago she was in the third grade and she would be so happy . She would come home telling about how all the kids would be amazed by me talking all the time about how tall I was and everything ..then all of a sudden she told me not to come eat lunch with her. She said because some of her classmates started to treat her bad everytime I came to eat with her and it only happened the times I came. It was wrong but I didn't want to cause her anymore problems so I stop going.

Christian,
I too work in prisons and with children whose parents are locked up (or dead from criminal activity). And I do undertand what you are saying. I know that. But so many of them will sit and wallow in it unless we show them that "personally" to us and to God, they are special, unique and loved unconditionally, both through our words and our actions. Tonya does that for her students in school, as I do. THEN, we tell them that when they get into the world, they need to know what this man is saying. The world will not treat you the way you deserve, so therefore, you need to take yourself in hand and grow up into someone who spreads that love to others, not someone who expects others to do for you (most sheltered kids are in for a big shock).
The commencement speech was not meant for hurting children, but for those who have been sheltered and spoiled all their lives and presume that the world will continue to treat them the same way. Hopefully those that you and I are talking about had a Tonya and a Tammy for a teacher. But they still need that boost into the adult world with the truth that the world will not love you the way your special relationships will. What she's talking about and what that man is talking about is two totally different things. I think that's what others have been trying to say. I think the kids will receive it just fine - it will make them feel grown up (at least the kids I deal with tell me that they like to be treated with grown-up respect) :)

Tammy, one of my daughters was/is a very high achiever. I used to wonder what it would be like for her, and if she would be able to handle it, once she entered the "real (adult) world," and was not this terrific top-of-her-class high school student, Dean's List college student, super at her internship during college, and always accolades. I used to say that she had the "Midas touch." I would occasionally speak about the "real world" with her. I'm here to tell you that it has not been easy for her. Unfortunately, in the real world there are people who are on a mission to make sure you know that you are not special, or "all that." This can be very perplexing and destructive if a young person does not have a support system to work through this. I like how you stated it "The world will not love you the way your special relationships will."

I recently graduated high school. One year ago to be exact. I am attending college now and working part time. I had many teachers who tried and did make students feel special. They would say nice things or write nice comments on our papers or joke around with us or whatever. And while those teachers were usually the most popular, they weren't the teachers that left the biggest impression on me. Instead, I keep finding myself remembering and appreciating the teachers who didn't treat me special. I don't mean they weren't nice to me, i mean they treated me with respect, but not like a little kid, you know? They simply expected me to do my work. Now that I'm in college and working, I realize they were the one who best prepared me for my life now. One of these teachers used to always say, "I know your parents tell you that your special, but remember there's a million people just like you." I used to think he was kind of mean for saying that, but now I finally get it. I also get more of his sarcasm now. When we were in his class a bunch of past students would always come and visit him, and we would wondery why?!?! We thought he was kind of mean, but as I get older it makes sense to me. I think part of the reason I didn't get him was because he didn't treat us like the center of the universe like so many other teachers and adults did. I guess Im trying to say that as I look back the adults who didn't treat me like I was special may have helped me the most.

Feeling special never made me feel like a little kid joe and im a grown man. Not sure what school you went to Joe but at the schools I visit I see it kinda hard for a teacher to treat a class of looks like over twenty five kids like they r the center of the universe especially with all the parent issues and behavior problems I always see. I dont know I always thought my teachers put smiling faces on my paper to say I did a good job and comments to communicate with me it didnt make me think I was special. Sometimes I put comments on feedback notes to encourage I hope they dont think im trying to say they are more important than others but I know how to be serious too.I remember my favorite teacher she was tough but she made us laugh all the time. She was pretty cool. She wasnt easy on us but she was a good fair hI person and taught us not to settle for less because she never excepted the less from us. She would discipline us but she could also be very nice and caring she made me feel special because she would tutor me and other kids after school to help push us along.she really showed us that she cared I'll never forget she even bought one guy a trumpet so he could play in the band. She would have never told us we weren't special because she would have known that many of us would have missed the message. I see what the guy was sayingsting man but he should have picked some other words th

you are not special just want digest for me not when you talking to a group of teenagers when I was finishing school I needed all the positive words I could get..don't scare me..I saw that more as talking down than up. I get the part with him trying to prepare them for the workforce and all but the reality is from what I always see adults are even complaining about the work force being a mess. They are always complaining about bosses treating their buddies special with better pay and postions laying people off just because they thought about it some feeling like they are worked to death.so many adults themselves are quitting these jobs or trying to retire themselves. Idon't think nobody should aim during a graduation to get students ready for the workforce by telling they aren't special if u ask me more people need to take a stand against the selfserving companies. My aunt has been working at Walmart for 13 years on third shift and makes 11 dollars an hour.from what I can see from inside this box were in it's being special to others and special relationships that really helps you in this world

You are absolutely right, exactly my feelings, Christian,..just know that yours and my "thinking outside the box" abilities aren't common sense.......